Thursday, 26 July 2012

So what happened? Brief summary...

Went to hospital about ten pm on Wednesday 11th July after getting worried about reduced movements and lack of weeing. Tried to listen to hb but nothing. Did scan and no hb. between Tuesday (when had mw appt and heard hb) and and wednesday our little girl died. 26 weeks that Thursday.

Our beautiful little girl Isla was born forever sleeping at 23.52 on Friday 13th July 2012. She weighed 2lb 1oz. 

Turned out I got severe and very early onset pre-eclampsia, had a placental abruption and that was nasty enough but the afterbirth was 300g heavier than she was so was huge, the biggest anyone there had ever seen (see later post for why this would be).

She was so beautiful and will be remembered forever. 

Tuesday, 24 July 2012

Saddest thing I've ever made

So today I made a burial gown for little Isla. I'd always planned on making her clothes when she was born, but never thought it'd be something so tiny, poignant and sad like this.

The gown is from here - such a beautiful and simple pattern, thank you! 

The bonnet was quick and easy. Printed from here

Heartbreaking to make but I couldn't not make her something. She will also be buried with her teddy, which has been with us since we found out she had died, and with her since she was born sleeping. 



Isla and teddy: 

Thursday, 19 July 2012

Isla McKillop - Born Still but Still Born

So our baby girl was born forever sleeping on Friday 13th July at 23.52, weighing 2lb 1oz. She was so beautiful and we named her Isla, as we always were going to. 

She touched our lives so deeply and both myself and my husband realised the true extent of parental love. We found peace in Isla and felt unbounded pride and love when we looked at her and held her close. 

We are burying her in a woodland ground on Monday 30th July. We have chosen a crab apple tree to mark her grave and will plant wild flowers throughout the year. As Isla didn't get to grow up herself, we are placing her somewhere she can be part of life, growth and beauty. 

They say there is a reason,

They say that time will heal,

But neither time nor reason,

Will change the way I feel,
For no-one knows the heartache,
That lies behind our smiles,
No-one knows how many times,
We have broken down and cried,
We want to tell you something,
So there won't be any doubt,
You're so wonderful to think of,

But so hard to be without.

2 little hands – that will never grip
 2 little legs that no longer kick
A delicate face that will never cry
And tiny hands that can’t wave goodbye
2 precious feet that will never walk
Soft, blue lips that will never talk
But a beautiful soul that has gone up above
And left me with feelings and memories of love

An Angel Never Dies

Don’t let them say I wasn’t born,

That something stopped my heart

I felt each tender squeeze you gave,

I’ve loved you from the start.
Although my body you can’t hold
It doesn't mean I’m gone
This world was worthy, not of me
God chose that I move on.
I know the pain that drowns your soul,
What you are forced to face
You have my word, I’ll fill your arms,
Someday we will embrace.
You’ll hear that it was meant to be,
God doesn’t make mistakes
But that won't soften your worst blow,
Or make your heart not ache.
I’m watching over all you do,
Another child you’ll bear
Believe me when I say to you,
That I am always there.
There will come a time, I promise you,
When you will hold my hand,
Stroke my face and kiss my lips
And then you’ll understand.
Although I’ve never breathed your air,
Or gazed into your eyes
That doesn’t mean I never was,
An Angel never dies.