Guardian article...

The Guardian newspaper had an article today about Stillbirth. Having had a hard day with lots of tears myself, it's good to read something that reminds me I'm not alone in how I'm feeling. 

Click: 

Also good today, cos I'm in Newcastle with my mum and step-dad for the week which is great! Just what I need. And then Dan is coming up on Friday for a weekend in Yorkshire!

The Angel of the North - another angel, except I can see this one.

Visited Isla's grave today.....

....... And it definitely needs something to 'mark' it. Someone is moving in next door and she looks so tiny compared to the space they are going to take up. Look how tiny she is!

So I made a little butterfly shape out of stones - kept me occupied for a few minutes anyway!

The note I wrote the other day had blown away so I'll find a way to put it up there more permanently, but have ordered a couple of little bits to mark her spot in the mean time. I'll put pics of them up when they come. 

Had a funny day today. Had a cry at Isla's grave - find myself apologising to her lots. 

Apologising for not remembering to stop for flowers on the way out!
Apologising for letting her die. 
Apologising that she was dying inside me for 2 weeks and I didn't know.
Apologising that she suffered. 
Apologising that she'll never get to grow up.
Apologising that she'll never get cuddled by mummy or daddy again. 

But I mostly tell her I love her and miss her.

So much it hurts. 

Isla McKillop - Born Still but Still Born

So our baby girl was born forever sleeping on Friday 13th July at 23.52, weighing 2lb 1oz. She was so beautiful and we named her Isla, as we always were going to. 

She touched our lives so deeply and both myself and my husband realised the true extent of parental love. We found peace in Isla and felt unbounded pride and love when we looked at her and held her close. 

We are burying her in a woodland ground on Monday 30th July. We have chosen a crab apple tree to mark her grave and will plant wild flowers throughout the year. As Isla didn't get to grow up herself, we are placing her somewhere she can be part of life, growth and beauty. 

They say there is a reason,

They say that time will heal,

But neither time nor reason,

Will change the way I feel,

For no-one knows the heartache,

That lies behind our smiles,

No-one knows how many times,

We have broken down and cried,

We want to tell you something,

So there won't be any doubt,

You're so wonderful to think of,

But so hard to be without.

2 little hands – that will never grip
 2 little legs that no longer kick
A delicate face that will never cry
And tiny hands that can’t wave goodbye
2 precious feet that will never walk
Soft, blue lips that will never talk
But a beautiful soul that has gone up above
And left me with feelings and memories of love

An Angel Never Dies

Don’t let them say I wasn’t born,

That something stopped my heart

I felt each tender squeeze you gave,

I’ve loved you from the start.

Although my body you can’t hold

It doesn't mean I’m gone

This world was worthy, not of me

God chose that I move on.

I know the pain that drowns your soul,

What you are forced to face

You have my word, I’ll fill your arms,

Someday we will embrace.

You’ll hear that it was meant to be,

God doesn’t make mistakes

But that won't soften your worst blow,

Or make your heart not ache.

I’m watching over all you do,

Another child you’ll bear

Believe me when I say to you,

That I am always there.

There will come a time, I promise you,

When you will hold my hand,

Stroke my face and kiss my lips

And then you’ll understand.

Although I’ve never breathed your air,

Or gazed into your eyes

That doesn’t mean I never was,

An Angel never dies.