Saying Goodbye.... Exeter Cathedral

What a lovely day of remembering Isla I've had today.Saying Goodbye are a fab charity set up by Zoe and Andy Clark-Coates who've had 5 losses. The service today at Exeter Cathedral was the first of their series of services for lost babies - through miscarriage, stillbirth or in early years. 

There were beautiful songs, poems, hymns and stories. Even the priest's wife had had 3 miscarriages. We rang hand bells for the babies we have lost. I rang it once for Isla but it was heartbreaking to hear them chime so much throughout the cathedral. Even more so, seeing people ringing them 3, 4 or more times. What brave, amazing people. 

Also heard a lovely song by international singer Lara Martin called 'Soothe' - she lost her baby in early pregnancy and performed today. Her song is available for free download for the next 48 hours from her website: http://www.laramartin.co.uk/saying-goodbye/

Lots of tears have been shed today but it felt good. In a sad, heart breaking, emotional way, but still good. 

2 poems really tugged at my heartstrings - this first one really says it all for me: 

If  Tears Could Build A Stairway

 If tears could build a stairway
And memories were a lane
We would walk right up to heaven
And bring you back again

No farewell words were spoken
No time to say goodbye
You were gone before we knew it
And only God knows why

Our hearts still ache in sadness
And secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
No one can ever know

But now we know you want us
To mourn for you no more
To remember all the happy times
Life still has much in store

Since you'll never be forgotten
We pledge to you today
A hallowed place within our hearts
Is where you'll always stay.

This next one is more spiritual but still lovely:

What makes a Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes

And prayed to God today.

I asked what makes a Mother

And I know I heard him say.

A Mother has a baby

This we know is true.

But God can you be a Mother

When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can He replied

With confidence in His voice

I give many women babies

When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime

And others for a day.

And some I send to feel your womb

But there's no need to stay

"I just don't understand this, God.

I want my baby here."

He took a breath and cleared His throat

And then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you

What your child is doing today.

If you could see your child smile

With other children and say

"We go to Earth to learn our lessons

Of love and life and fear.

My Mummy loved me oh so much

I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mum

Who had so much love for me

I learned my lesson quickly

My Mummy set me free.

I miss my Mummy oh so much

But I visit her each day.

When she goes to sleep

On her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek

And whisper in her ear.

Mummy don't be sad today

I'm your baby and I'm here."

So you see my dear sweet one

Your child is okay

Your baby is in My home

And that is where she'll stay.

She'll wait for you with Me

Until your lesson is through.

And on that day that you come home

She'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother

It's the feeling in your heart.

It's the love you had so much of

Right from the very start.