"Mrs McKillop, why did your baby die?"
It tears me up but only because it's someone - a child - saying aloud the question that goes through my head every second of every hour of every day.
Feel very sad today basically. It has been 2 months today since we lost Isla. I should be 8 months pregnant and going on maternity in 2 weeks.
Work is so hard and I don't know how I'm going to keep going with such a difficult class. It's so difficult and draining. I find myself shaking with sadness at times and at others I feel so lost and confused I can't remember what I'm even doing.
The innocence of children... I found, both times, that my class of 8 years olds were more open and honest about my girls than anyone else. Both times they asked that question 'Miss, what happened to your baby? Why did she die? What was her name?' and then the same questions next time along with ' Is she in Heaven with her sister?' Most of the time, I found this refreshing as they asked, they accepted and they all said that they were sorry and it was very hard. No shying away, no looking horrified, no avoidance of what happened. A lot of adults could take a leaf out of their book. I think, for me, I find solace in my job as I just don't get a minute to think, teaching is constant and it keeps me going all day. It is very hard though, particularly when a day doesn't go so well because you just feel you shouldn't be there. Huge hugs to you xx
ReplyDeleteI was about to say what Clara said. Children are so innocent and they have no fear of asking questions. I sometimes wish adults could act more like children. I do imagine though that having to go through this while you are just trying to get through the work day would be incredibly hard.
ReplyDeleteBig big hugs,
Lisa
http://dear-finley.blogspot.com