Wednesday, 17 October 2012

Day 17 Capture Your Grief - Due Date

Today is not my due date. Tomorrow is. 

So it was marked on my calendar when I was pregnant. As was every weekly number. But when we lost Isla I scribbled them all out with marker pen. I put 'Due Date' back up there the other day because it's still important. 

Of course it's important. But it's just a day. Who really has their baby on their due date?! We have made the coming weekend more important, as we go to the Brecons to climb a mountain and lay an engraved pebble and some flowers at the top for Isla. Dan has had to go away to work as someone let him down, so tomorrow I'm seeing a friend for lunch, laying flowers for Isla and going for a walk, and then going to choir in the evening. Should be busy enough but peaceful too. 

Speaking of peace, I don't have much today. Or for the last few days really. Here are some things that are making me angry at the moment...

~ House move not happening any time soon. We're being seriously messed around. And if ONE more person laughs at how long it is taking, I'm going to punch them. It is not funny that it has been 6 and a half months now. Even more not funny that we may not even be in a new place by Christmas. Really not hilarious that we're losing house after house that we really like because we can't confirm moving dates.
~ Emailing people really important things and them not getting back to me
~ Phoning same people about raising a shit load of money for them, and them not being there when they said they would be
~ People driving really slowly and pulling away from green lights at a snail's pace
~ Always being the one at the back, or the one taking the longest, at bootcamp. I actually walked off 20 minutes early today and sat in my car and cried uncontrollably. Have a feeling there may be more to that than just being annoyed at jump squats or whatever they were!
~ Some flowers I was sent being left so long in the box that they're ruined and smell really bad!
~ Parking ticket on my hire car because my permitted car is still in the garage
~ Trying on hats. I hate trying on hats but need one for Brecons! Last time I wore a penguin hat and looked a wally so I've got a new one now!
~ Ridiculous traffic that meant I couldn't get out for tea at my friend's house tonight. Had to just come home and eat both kievs to myself and now I'm stuffed!

On a happier note, that brings me a glimmer of hope, the clinic called today and confirmed I ovulated this month according to 2 blood tests and a scan! 

Yay! Beautiful little Isla has kick-started something in me that could well bring us our rainbow baby. 

1 comment:

  1. Thinking of you always Sara, I always read your blog's, please don't worry about small things like traffic lights and boot camp its not a competition you can only do a bit at a time depending on how you feel that day. Great news Isla kick starting ovulation. Due dates are a very important day both my miscarriages I remember the day March 14th and July 5th. But only my youngest out of my 3 was actually born on his due date. I really hope you manage to get out tomorrow to lay your flowers for Isla and go for your walk. Sending love to you and Dan x