A friend wrote to me after Isla's funeral. He didn't know if I'd want to hear what he had written but he knew he needed to give me the letter. It told me that he had seen an image of Isla with Jesus. Walking hand in hand with her in heaven. He drew it for me. Now, this is a lovely image but one I struggled with at the time. Isla should be hand in hand with me, her mum. And besides, she was a baby. How could she be walking with Jesus? And there my dilemma ended.
I think about where Isla is now quite a lot. A conversation I had with my mum last October is what my image is based on. We too were discussing where Isla was now. We decided she was, of course, in heaven. And she was with my dad. He would be the proudest, most wonderful grandad ever. And it would be Isla and dad walking hand in hand through heaven. She wouldn't still be a baby, but she wouldn't have had to 'grow up'. She would just be a little girl. With dark hair, freckles and green eyes. She would be smiling and laughing and dad would be laughing too. Neither of them would get any older and they would always be together.
I like that.
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2012 Entry
Day 12 - Symbols
Symbols aren't something I usually associate with. Lots of things remind me of Isla but not necessarily 'Symbols'. But I do find significance for Isla in beautiful things. Such as flowers.
The Snowdrop Appeal are an amazing charity who I will mention properly later on in this project. They raised money initially for two cold cots to go into Derriford Hospital. That meant I was able to spend 2 precious days with Isla and be her mummy in the only sense of the word I now know. They are now raising money for a separate wing for bereaved parents at the hospital, which would save us the pain of delivering and staying on the main labour ward. So there's a snowdrop in my collage.
There is also:
~ A Forget-Me-Not heart shape - obvious reasons for that one and one of the flowers in my tattoo.
~ Some wildflowers - we will plant these at Isla's grave to keep her 'alive'.
~ Dandelion seeds - The literature I was sent home from hospital used these as a symbol of new life, new hope and new dreams. Also a symbol of time passing.
~ Crab apple blossoms - we will be planting a crab apple tree for Isla in December and I have blossoms tattooed on my side too.
~ A view of the wildflowers (with the rock) that are at Yealmpton Woodland Burial Ground, where Isla lays.
~ The large pink flower and the flowers on the beach were photographed for me by the wonderful Catherine of Gabriel's Garden. Catherine chooses a photo for each baby and then takes the flowers to the beach to be released into the wind. She specially chose this one for Isla.
So maybe I do do symbolism after all?!
The Snowdrop Appeal are an amazing charity who I will mention properly later on in this project. They raised money initially for two cold cots to go into Derriford Hospital. That meant I was able to spend 2 precious days with Isla and be her mummy in the only sense of the word I now know. They are now raising money for a separate wing for bereaved parents at the hospital, which would save us the pain of delivering and staying on the main labour ward. So there's a snowdrop in my collage.
There is also:
~ A Forget-Me-Not heart shape - obvious reasons for that one and one of the flowers in my tattoo.
~ Some wildflowers - we will plant these at Isla's grave to keep her 'alive'.
~ Dandelion seeds - The literature I was sent home from hospital used these as a symbol of new life, new hope and new dreams. Also a symbol of time passing.
~ Crab apple blossoms - we will be planting a crab apple tree for Isla in December and I have blossoms tattooed on my side too.
~ A view of the wildflowers (with the rock) that are at Yealmpton Woodland Burial Ground, where Isla lays.
~ The large pink flower and the flowers on the beach were photographed for me by the wonderful Catherine of Gabriel's Garden. Catherine chooses a photo for each baby and then takes the flowers to the beach to be released into the wind. She specially chose this one for Isla.
So maybe I do do symbolism after all?!
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