Saturday, 5 October 2013

Day 5 - Memory

Day 5 — Memory

It is so hard to think what my overriding memory of Isla is. I can't actually pinpoint one. It's almost like it all flashes before me when I think about her. 

I remember the doctor leaning in to put his hand on mine as he said 'I'm sorry'. I remember the moment I first held her and the time I got to spend with her. I remember Dan carrying that wee wooden box to her resting place. 
I remember little things and big things, sad things, proud things and happy things. I will never forget. 

My mum bought me these rings for my birthday / Isla's birthday / Caleigh being born. It's a forget-me-not knot ring and a band with a forget-me- not blue stone in it. I love them and think of Isla every time I look at them. 
(They're actually silver!)


2012 entry

Day 5 Capture Your Grief - Memorial

I'm really 'into' memorial things. When Dad died, I bought art work by my friend who paints Wembury and my sister and I designed these prints which represent the coordinates for where we scattered Dad's ashes by the Mewstone in Wembury. 

I ran the Race for Life for Dad too
Was booked in to run it this year, but it was the day after having Isla, so couldn't do it. Definitely be doing it next year. 

For Isla, I've done a few things already and more to come. I have chosen the tattoo as the most current memorial thing I've done for her. 

 Forget-me-nots, crab apple blossoms in pink and a star at the top for dad. 
Her casket - I made the burial gown after getting out of hospital and made the teddy the day she was born - it stayed with us in Dan's pocket throughout labour and stayed with Isla at the hospital, the mortuary and the funeral home, to be buried with her in her beautiful resting place. 

Her resting place. We will plant a Crab Apple tree specially for Isla on December 1st. For now, I tied ribbon around the tree that is already at her grave. 
 I was up visiting her grave when she was first buried and there was nothing to mark it. I found some little stones and made a butterfly. Kept me busy for a while but it's still there and looks 'part of' the grave now. 
 I've added more bits to her grave since, including an artificial blossom branch and a little statue of a baby cradled in hands. I wanted people to recognise it was a baby's grave, but you can actually already tell because they leave a 'mound' where the person lays, to encourage it to return to nature. 
 I made more teddies (4 so far) like the one I made Isla and donated them to the delivery suite because they were just so unprepared for a mother going through a loss. Hopefully going to start working with someone on getting some proper memory boxes into Derriford Hospital. 
 The prayer flag I sent to Australia for Carly's Prayer Flag project. So proud of it!
So what's to come in memory of Isla? Well, the weekend of her due date we are climbing a mountain in the Brecon Beacons. Got to think of something to place at the top for her - probably a flower.
A friend of my mum is planning to host a dinner dance for the Snowdrop Appeal and my school are donating money and holding a 'Mufti day' for that charity too. 
Stay tuned!

If you want to donate to the Snowdrop Appeal, visit their JustGiving page here:

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