Monday, 28 October 2013

Day 28 - Special Place

Day 28 - Special Place

Isla is buried in the most beautiful spot - a woodland burial ground in Yealmpton, South Hams. I have always loved that she is surrounded by new life and gets to become part of nature. I love that going to that place is so peaceful. I don't go so much any more, I just don't feel I need to. I never went heaps anyway, though we went up the other day and laid some more flowers. Both of us were very emotional actually, with Caleigh now sitting in the back seat. 

The photo shows a picture of me just after I had planted Isla's crab apple blossom tree, which was last November. It also shows the flowers that our family laid for Isla on her birthday in July. I was pregnant with Caleigh at the time and found it quite hard to be true to my feelings, in all honesty. One of the plants, the one with little red flowers has, in fact, taken root and found its own new life right at the side of Isla, which I find very lovely and poignant. 

Thinking about last year's entry on memories - I still have those pregnancy tests from Isla but also now have the ones from Caleigh! I took about 12 this time which is quite a few!!
2012 Entry

Day 28 Capture Your Grief - Memories

I have put my pregnancy tests as my memory. My VERY first memories of Isla. I have every single one of them still. Only the digital ones have worn off. I have about 6 still. 2 are in her memory box and the others are in a basket in the bathroom. Blimey, it hurts to see them when I open that basket up. But it's a pain I need, almost. I need to remember that happiness. I need to remember how to feel that happy. I need to look at them and feel hope about seeing something so amazing again. That disbelief that we had got pregnant became the most immense happiness I have ever felt, only to end in such an intense depth of sadness, I'm still not sure how to get out of it. 

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