I didn't think I was one for ritual. I don't do anything to get me through the days but in terms of doing something on a date, I do. I don't get hugely sad or dramatic on special dates but I recognise them and what they mean.
Last year, on Isla's due date I simply laid flowers at her burial site but that weekend we were going away to the Brecon Beacons. On the Saturday we climbed the highest peak in the Brecons, Pen-y-Fan. We laid a stone at the top engraved with her name and birth date. I really want to make this climb a ritual. I probably won't do it on her due date again but rather on her actual birthday in July. I couldn't do that this year obviously, but I'd love to do it next year with Caleigh!
Other little things I want to keep doing are the flowers at her woodland burial spot - regularly but also on her birthday. Also attending the Saying Goodbye service at Exeter cathedral. A beautiful tribute to all lost babies and a wonderful setting to remember Isla.
2012 Entry (this was a really tricky one and very challenging to those reading it)
Day 6 Capture Your Grief - What Not to SayThere are lots of things people have said that have been amazingly supportive. More of them tomorrow!
But there are, of course, lots of things people say that do not help, I'm sorry to say. That is what today's picture is about. I thought of 3 things that hurt when I hear them. They are said with all good intentions I know, but they really sting.
- "She's in a better place" - My faith would have to be pretty strong to truly believe that Isla is better offnot with me and Dan. Yes, being with Jesus in Heaven must be pretty cool but we would have given her the most amazing life and already had so much love for her that we didn't get a chance to show her.
- "Some things aren't meant to be" - If some things are not meant to be, then why could Dan and I not just be left in our little infertile world which, after 4 years, we'd finally accepted? She wasn't destined to be a "sick" baby - she caught a bug from me, her life-support and protector, which I didn't know I had caught and therefore died. She didn't even have the disease very badly, just enough to take her from us.
- "At least you know you can get pregnant" - Yes, it's great we got pregnant at all, but what if Isla really was our only chance at a family? Assuming we will get pregnant again just because we had Isla, can only lead to more heartache. I'm not naive any more.