To be honest, the greatest healer has been Caleigh. As I walk through this month of Capture Your Grief, it has become even clearer to me how amazingly blessed we have been. And what an impact she has had on my healing this year. I'm not going to end up back in that dark place. Yes, I still hurt sometimes but, where there once was a gaping hole in my heart, Caleigh has helped fill it back up with love, joy and giant smiles.
However, another aspect of healing has been talk. Talking about Isla to family and friends. Talking about slapped cheek. Talking about infertility. Talking about counting the kicks. Talking about sadness and seemingly endless grief, jealousy and guilt. As I mentioned on the Support day, family and friends have been amazing.
One friend, after her own loss, recommended the counsellors at Plymouth Pregnancy Crisis Centre. A lot of hospitals around the country have bereavement midwives and offer counselling following a loss. Plymouth does not. You leave the hospital with empty arms and that's it. Fend for yourselves. Which we accepted was just the way it went. Until my friend told me about PPCC. So last September, almost exactly 2 months after losing Isla, I sought them out. And I met two of the loveliest ladies. I worked through my grief on something called The Journey. They listened, they smiled, they cried, they supported, they explored and they understood. It was just what I needed. They were also some of the first to know I was pregnant with Caleigh and, when I finished counselling in January, I was 11 weeks pregnant. What a journey indeed.
I'm being interviewed by Comic Relief this Thursday about the counsellingI had, as PPCC been given some finding to develop their work with grieving parents. Nervous doesn't even cover it so I hope I can do them, and my daughters, justice.
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2012 Entry
Day 29 Capture Your Grief - Music
At the Exeter Cathedral service by Saying Goodbye, Lara Martin sang a beautiful song called Soothe, which was about her own baby loss. It was beautiful and very poignant. She doesn't have a YouTube video for it however, so I had to make my own up with her song ion the background - Lara kindly offered it for free after the service.
I also love this song, which we had at Dad's funeral. We sang the traditionalAmazing Grace at the crematorium but this version at the church service afterwards. I have it on my phone, so when I play the music on shuffle, it sometimes pops up. It came up twice today!
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