Summer was when Isla was born (centre of picture) - July 13th 2012. Friday 13th. I was born on the 13th too so that didn't bother me - in fact I rather like that it was the 13th too! Summer is also when Caleigh was born (black and white photo). I like that July won't only be a month of sadness - joy has been brought back to that month! So now we both remember and celebrate both our daughters' birthdays.
Spring is when the flowers bloom. We buried Isla in a woodland burial ground, surrounded by new life. I put flowers down for her regularly, but try to leave it as natural as possible.
Autumn is when Isla should have been born had she not passed away. She was due at the end of October. I don't think I'll do anything specific at that time of year again, like we did last year, but it will certainly pass with a moment of recognition.
Winter is lovely, isn't it? Well, when it's all cosy and snowy and Christmassy it is. Winter is when we remember Dad - his birthday, our last Christmas with him and when he died. With remembering dad, I always think of Isla too. That comes naturally. But Christmas is still a happy time and I look forward to it every year, especially Caleigh's first one this year!
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2012 Entry
Day 16 Capture Your Grief - Release
Release is a funny one. It seems wrong to 'release' feelings sometimes. I like to bottle them up and keep schtum about them really. But losing Isla has taught me that I need to talk to people more. So release has become something I've been practising!
The things I have chosen are:
Sewing - I'm doing some craft fairs this Christmas so am putting my love of sewing to good use, putting the profits into the Snowdrop Appeal.
Big Noise Choir - 2 hours on a Thursday night where I am completely absorbed doing something fun!
Bootcamp - 3 times a week (on a good week!) where I can scream, grunt, cry and sweat - and shout back at someone!
Visiting Isla's grave - I find peace here because it is such a beautiful place. I shall visit there this week on Thursday, as it is my due date on the 18th.
As time goes on hopefully I will find more things that bring me peace. Talking to friends and family about Isla, about my feelings and about things that frustrate me is probably the biggest release but the things above give me those moments of silence in my brain.
The things I have chosen are:
Sewing - I'm doing some craft fairs this Christmas so am putting my love of sewing to good use, putting the profits into the Snowdrop Appeal.
Big Noise Choir - 2 hours on a Thursday night where I am completely absorbed doing something fun!
Bootcamp - 3 times a week (on a good week!) where I can scream, grunt, cry and sweat - and shout back at someone!
Visiting Isla's grave - I find peace here because it is such a beautiful place. I shall visit there this week on Thursday, as it is my due date on the 18th.
As time goes on hopefully I will find more things that bring me peace. Talking to friends and family about Isla, about my feelings and about things that frustrate me is probably the biggest release but the things above give me those moments of silence in my brain.
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